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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23686618">The Agony of a Long Life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/GroundZeroFirework/pseuds/The_Gay_Shakespeare'>The_Gay_Shakespeare (GroundZeroFirework)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Byleth Pines for 200 Years, Character Death, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, F/F, I swear I'll make up for this with some Edeleth Smut, No happy endings to be found here, Pining, References to Depression, Romance, Tragedy, Trigger Warning: depression, trigger warning: drug use</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:55:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,951</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23686618</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/GroundZeroFirework/pseuds/The_Gay_Shakespeare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Companion piece to my fic "Walk With You", so please read that first.</p>
<p>In which, Byleth pines for the deceased Adrestian Emperor for centuries.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edelgard von Hresvelg &amp; My Unit | Byleth, Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Agony of a Long Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello, hello, hello, I return with a sad, sad, sad, companion piece to my recent fic "Walk With You". As I was writing this, I listened to Antonin Dvorak's The Romantic Pieces Op. 75 - 1. Allegro Moderato and somehow, it made everything more painful. So, maybe...just maybe...put it on repeat when you read this. </p>
<p>Also fair warning, this fic deals with depression and mentions of drug use so if such topics make you feel uncomfortable, please back away now. And if you haven't read "Walk With You", I strongly recommend you do first for background purposes.</p>
<p>Anyways, those who are willing to read it, I hope y'all enjoy...somewhat.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>For a normal citizen of Fodlan, the 5th day of the Harpstring Moon in the year 1218 was a normal day for them. Unbeknownst to them until a few days later, however, it was the day that Byleth Eisner, the first Queen of a United Fodlan, abdicated her throne in favor of a simpler life.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For many in her circle, the abdication was one that Byleth deserved. She has after all given everything for Fodlan; she was a good ruler and before that, she had been a good and effective general in the war against the Imperial Army. Truly, Byleth had given up the better part of her adult life to ensure the prosperity of Fodlan and its citizens. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But more importantly, she’d given up the love of her life just to ensure that the Alliance army would get the victory in the war.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not a lot of people knew it because she made it a point to not make it obvious, but her closest comrades knew that after the day that Byleth killed Edelgard in the throne room of Enbarr’s Palace, she was never the same. She seemed more colder, more detached than usual. While she was still willing to listen and offer a friendly smile and advice to those who needed it, there was something clearly different about her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For them, it was like the Byleth they knew before died alongside the last Adrestian Emperor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everyone saw it; how she put herself in a spiral of self-destruction. Whenever she could, Byleth drank herself into a stupor and slept with anyone who was willing as if she was trying to fill the void that Edelgard’s death left in her. Sometimes, they would even spot her wandering the monastery in a daze. Almost as if she was looking for someone. At times, she would spend days withdrawn in her room as she worked, not allowing anyone to see her unless it was the knight assigned to deliver food to her. Weddings were especially painful for her and she didn’t tend to stay any longer past the ceremony.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Simply put, Byleth was depressed and everyone knew it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So when Byleth informed them of her pending abdication from the throne, many of her old comrades had hoped that it would finally give her some sense of freedom and relief, even if it did seem a bit unlikely. Then, the day came and Byleth abdicated without much fanfare and unsurprisingly, she left Garreg Mach the very same night, leaving the Sword of the Creator in the care of the Church once again. They knew that before she completely retired to a peaceful life in the countryside, there was only one destination, one person, that Byleth would want to visit first.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, El…” She greeted with a heavy heart and a bitter smile as she sat before the Emperor’s grave in the Hresvelg family plot in Enbarr’s Palace. After Edelgard died, Byleth took great pains to ensure that her beloved would be properly buried next to her father and siblings. It was the least she could do, after all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I abdicated my throne a few days ago. I feel like I’ve done all I can for Fodlan and it’s time for others to take my place. To be honest, I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m considering becoming a wandering mercenary again.” She said with a small, mirthless chuckle. “It’s going to be hard though; how am I going to explain why the former Queen of Fodlan is doing mercenary work?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If people saw her now, they would be surprised by how much she was talking. After all, she was known for being stoic and quiet, never speaking unless it’s of discussions of importance. A woman of few words, they’d say. But whenever she visited Edelgard, she would always feel the urge to tell her everything and so she did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We...found something of yours in the palace, just a week before my abdication. The workmen were fixing the palace in Enbarr when they came across it and thankfully, they sent it to me immediately.” Byleth said as she pulled out the cord that hung around her neck. On it was a gold ring with an eagle embossed on its face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Like Byleth said, the ring was found around Enbarr’s palace just a week before her abdication. In Edelgard’s old office, in fact. They were thinking of ways that the old palace could be used for public service and they had decided to fix a few rooms here and there in preparation for it. As the workmen went about doing their job, they managed to open a sealed drawer in the desk. When they saw the ring and who it was addressed to, they didn’t hesitate to send it to the Queen of Fodlan immediately. And when Byleth saw it, it was a bitter reminder of the one thing she wanted so dearly but could never have in her life.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“El...I would give anything to be with you again. I have tried so many times to turn back time just so I can do everything all over again. So I can choose you instead. But I can’t. I tried everything but I can’t.” Byleth said, taking a few moments to compose herself before continuing. She leaned her forehead against the cold marble of her beloved’s grave marker, not even bothering to stop the tears this time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I would give anything to marry you, my love. But I guess we’ll have to settle for exchanging our rings. It’s the closest we’ll ever get. The closest fate would let us have.” She stated with a bitter smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she ascended the throne and declared war on the Church, fate had already decided that Edelgard von Hresvelg would lose and be cut down by the woman she loved in the field of battle. The day she declared her war on the Church, fate had already decided that history would paint her as a monster who should be vilified by the people. But on the day of her funeral, all Byleth could think about was how she and the love of her life were robbed of a happy future together. So, she did the only thing she could do to let Edelgard know that she still loved her; she put her father’s ring on her finger and buried her with it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I should go and let you rest. I’ll visit you again soon.” Byleth said as she straightened up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Sleep well, my beloved...until I find you again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Byleth leaned down to press a kiss to the cold marble before she stood.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you.” She whispered to the wind, hoping that it’ll carry her words to wherever the love of her life may be.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>After her visit to Edelgard’s grave, Byleth immediately retreated to the new home she had built by the lakeside. Located in the woods near Lake Teutates, it was cozy enough for a few people all the while providing her with the isolation she wanted for herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Byleth wasn’t always alone, however. Every now and then, one of her former students and their families would drop in to check on her. And while she received them like a gracious host, Byleth couldn’t help but feel jealous of them. They had someone to spend the rest of their lives with, children to take joy in. She, on the other hand, had nothing. She had no one to love and no one to embrace at night. That ship sailed for her a long time ago when Edelgard died.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was funny; she abdicated and went into isolation because she had hoped to find some measure of peace there but instead, all she got was agony. The agony of being alone without Edelgard. The agony of knowing that she’ll live for an exorbitant amount of time. The agony of the knowledge that she’ll eventually be left behind by the few people she had left. The agony of a long life. She should’ve known that life still wasn’t going to give her what she wanted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For two years, that was the torture she lived with and Byleth tried everything to forget. Sleeping around, drinking, getting into fights with people who either didn’t know her or respected her despite the fact that she used to be their queen. She tried but nothing worked. So, after two years, she eventually came to the conclusion that the normal, idyllic countryside life wasn’t for her. Not without Edelgard to share it with her. So, she left, leaving behind only a note to let everyone know where she was going. She left for the nearest port she could find and set sail for Dagda. Normally, ships would have to dock at Brigid to stock up on supplies before continuing the journey. But Byleth didn’t want to step foot in Petra and Dorothea’s country and risk running into them. So, she paid the captain a good amount of coin to sail past Brigid and get her to Dagda as soon as they could.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a good few months at sea, she finally arrived in the country and began to wander around. She stopped in towns here and there, never really taking the time to appreciate her surroundings. All she wanted to do was find the nearest town, offer her services as a mercenary to those who need it, and get the job done as soon as possible so she’ll have additional funds to drink and sleep around. And that’s exactly what she did.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Byleth had arrived in a fairly prosperous town just as night was falling. She had a considerable amount of funds left from her last job and so, as was routine with her sad and lonely life, she made a beeline for the town brothel, not even bothering with the looks the other citizens gave her. As she entered, Byleth scanned her surroundings immediately and made her pick.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your best room. And I want a girl to bed tonight.” She said without any preamble as she tossed a small bag of coin to the man at the front before pointing toward a girl with platinum blonde hair and blue eyes. “That girl, to be specific.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Girls with that kind of hair and eyes have always been her request even in Fodlan. And there were only a scarce few who knew why.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anything else?” He asked, his gruff tone showing how impressed he was at her bravado of just wandering into a brothel and shoving her coin in his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your strongest drink. Lots of it. And don’t have her come in until at least an hour has passed.” Byleth answered without any hint of emotion to her voice. With a nod, he turned to the girl that Byleth requested and signalled for her to get ready.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Looking a bit haunted there, eh lass?” He asked her with a sly smile on her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” She asked, still not showing any emotion in her voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, I’ve seen that look in the eyes of others before. You’re haunted by something and you’d do anything to get a glimpse of whatever it is from your past that’s following you around.” The man said, his smile morphing into a grin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re right. It ain’t. But we have just the thing that can help you out. See what that fella is smokin’ there?” He asked, pointing to the young man being entertained by a girl on the far side of the room. In his hand, he held a slow burning paper with smoke emanating from it. From where she stood, Byleth watched as she put it in his mouth and breathed it in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t tell anyone. It’s a little drug that can only be found here in Dagda. We call it Haunt. Stimulates the senses for increased pleasure. Some say it makes you see things that you know you have no way of seeing. And some even say it even helps them remember things they’ve forgotten before.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now that piqued Byleth’s interest. Without another word, she handed him another handful of coins.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then, I want it as well.” She said. With a smile, the man nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll have some delivered to your room. The girl will show you how to use it.” He said before ushering Byleth in. He directed her to a room on the farthest side of the building and when she entered, she was somewhat pleased to see that it was prepared as she requested. Dropping her bag in the corner, she immediately sat on the bed, facing the window as she grabbed the nearest pitcher of ale and drank for it, not even bothering with using a cup. The hour passed by quickly and with at least an entire pitcher down, Byleth heard someone come into her room and approach her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What would you have me do for you, milady?” The girl asked as she gave Byleth gentle kisses and equally gentle caresses from behind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I really don’t care. Just…” She trailed off as she felt kisses on her neck. “...help me remember.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a moment of gentle kisses and caresses, the girl separated from her for a moment and returned with the lit drug in hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The keeper said that you don’t know how to use Haunt. Would you like me to show you?” She asked and without hesitation, Byleth nodded. Just when she thought she couldn’t stoop any lower, this drug had to make an appearance in her life. But that was fine; she would stoop to any level if it meant it would help her remember what she didn’t want to forget. As soon as she gave her consent, the girl put the drug in her hand and helped her guide it to her mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now take a deep breath.” Byleth did so and her lungs were immediately assaulted by smoke. Almost as if she was standing next to a burning bush. “Let it stay there for a few seconds. And exhale.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As she let the smoke sit there, Byleth felt its effects instantaneously. She felt relaxed immediately, almost as if she was floating. She felt herself be pushed back onto the mattress and the girl’s face came into view. Each time she took a hit of the drug, however, Byleth knew that the brothel keeper was telling the truth about it. Because while she remained under its effects, she gradually began to see Edelgard in the whore that she hired for the night. Her platinum hair began to turn bone white, her blue eyes gradually turned lilac every time Byleth blinked, and her features gradually morphed to resemble her beloved.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Byleth knew that this was all in her head. The side effect of a drug that she knew she shouldn’t be taking. After all, Edelgard died by her hand 34 years ago and she knew that nothing could ever bring her back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She knew it was wrong and she knew that this woman wasn’t her beloved. But frankly, after everything she’s sacrificed, after everything she’s given up for the sake of the greater good of Fodlan, she felt like it was her right to take these few hours to get as much pleasure as she can for herself and pretend that she had the love of her life in her arms once again.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>The sun was high up when Byleth next woke. Despite her years of drinking like a fish, she still always woke up with a ridiculous headache whenever she drank too much. Now, she can fully sympathize with Manuela. Except now Manuela is “happily” married to Hanneman and enjoying retirement with him. Funny how she was the one who was single and miserable this time around. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She squinted as her eyes tried to adjust to the harsh light, feeling around for the last pitcher of ale that she knew was still there. Finally, she managed to grab it and the moment she sat up, Byleth didn’t hesitate to drink before grabbing the last piece of Haunt and bringing it to her lips, lighting it up with a flame spell.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sat there for goddess knows how long, alternating between drinking and smoking the drug as she wondered when was the exact moment that her entire life went wrong. As usual, there was no answer to be found. Once she was done, Byleth stood up, got dressed, and immediately left in search of anyone in need of a mercenary.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>She must’ve stayed in that town for at least five days, earning enough money to both indulge her vices and bolster her funds for the journey to the next town over. It seems there was a never ending stream of people in need of mercenaries to run errands for them. Now, she was spending her last night in the same brothel with the same girl she requested five days ago. Luckily, she was pretty good in bed, otherwise Byleth would’ve asked for someone else. It helped that she knew her boundaries too. Most of the time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, who’s Edelgard?” She asked as she took a hit of Haunt. Byleth turned to her with a confused look on her face as she was lifting a cup of ale to her mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who’s Edelgard? The girl you call for every night?” The girl repeated in a laid back tone. Almost as if she was talking about the weather and nothing else. Still, though Byleth wasn’t expecting her to ask that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No one.” She coldly responded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, so you don’t want to talk about it. Got it.” She answered in a teasing tone. Byleth thought that was the end of it until…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Say…that’s a pretty ring. Where’d you get it?” The girl asked again as she inched closer to get a better look. Out of instinct, Byleth closed her fist around it in a possessive manner as she glared at the woman before. She knew that the girl was only curious and had no ill intentions but she couldn’t help but feel like she had to protect it. It was Edelgard’s last gift to her, after all. Without a word, she stood up and got dressed as fast as she could.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Byleth said in a clipped tone before leaving a few coins on the bedside table. “For your troubles.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as she got her coat and equipment on hand, Byleth left the room immediately.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leaving so soon?” She heard a gruff voice asked as she approached the front door. With a sigh, she turned back and nodded. With a teasing guffaw, he reached under the desk he was sitting on and plopped a large brown paper bag on top of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My gift. For being such a loyal customer these past...I don’t know...five or six days.” He said with a friendly grin. “Go on. Take it. I suspect you’ll need it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Warily, Byleth approached and took a peek inside the bag. In it were piles upon piles of Haunt. For a second, Byleth hesitated on taking it; she knew that continuous usage could have ill effects on her health. But then again, she was practically immortal. And…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And it was the only way she could see Edelgard again. So, without giving herself any time to second-guess, she grabbed the bag and put it with the rest of her equipment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks.” She said before leaving a final handful of coins on the desk and walking out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With her business done, Byleth left the town behind with no clear destination in mind.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>If Byleth had thought that ruling and living without Edelgard for 34 years was difficult, she clearly forgot that she was going to live for centuries.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It must’ve been around 200 years since that day she first visited Dagda and every day since Byleth has lived a routine lifestyle; get to one town, sleep around, do a few jobs here and there, get drunk, use Haunt, and then move on to the next town to do it all over again. The only variations she ever really experienced was what country she was in or whether or not she was going to have to camp out for the night.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Every day, however, there was only one thing she looked forward to and that was the use of Haunt. Since it was only available in Dagda, she made sure to properly ration whatever she got whenever she returned to the country. Really, with the 200 years she’s used the drug, it’s a miracle she’s still alive. Or a curse BECAUSE she was still alive. She’s heard stories from the black market dealers saying that overuse can result in the user dying. But of course, she who was blessed by Sothis herself can easily avoid death through Haunt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Honestly, Byleth could stop. She SHOULD stop. But she always felt some form of catharsis whenever she used the drug. True to the brothel keeper’s word, it did let her remember things that she’d forgotten before. Sometimes, when she used it, she would remember certain things about Edelgard that had slipped her mind after more than 200 years; how she loved bergamot tea, how she loved art, their first date in the gardens of Garreg Mach. Even their kiss.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sometimes, the Haunt would put her to sleep and give her good dreams that she’d like to stay in forever. At times, Byleth would dream of a world where she walked with Edelgard from the very beginning and they would bring the world her beloved dreamt of into reality. A world where everyone was equal to one another; without the nobility and even without the crests. Then, when all was said and done, they would retire and move to the cabin near Lake Teutates with their children, a happy boy and a beautiful girl. And there, they would spend the rest of their lives in peace. It always ended at sunset, when she and Edelgard would sit on a porch swing as they watched their children play together against the backdrop of a lake that reflected the setting sun. It was perfect.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was the life she wanted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But it wasn’t always good dreams and memories that the Haunt gave her. Sometimes, it gave Byleth nightmares too. Really horrible ones that left tears in her eyes when she was jolted out of the dream. Sometimes, it would be about that day she finally killed Edelgard. But most of the time, it would be of Edelgard; a contorted Edelgard full of injuries with blood gushing from them. She would always blame Byleth for her death. Asking her why she didn’t join her. Asking her if she ever truly loved her. In those dreams, Byleth never spoke; instead, she took the beatings and yelling and the hate that the Edelgard in her dreams showed her. Because frankly, after 200 years of living without her, Byleth would rather see an Edelgard who hated her than never see her at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And so for two centuries, her agony continued. But despite her vices, there was one week of the year where Byleth would clean up her act and refrain from sleeping with whores, drinking, or even using Haunt. And that was the week that started on Edelgard’s birthday on the 22nd of the Garland Moon to the 29th of the same month. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Every year without fail, by some miracle, Byleth would always make it back to Fodlan in time for the Garland Moon and she would make the journey to Enbarr to visit Edelgard everyday for that one week. And right now, that was what she planned on doing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She arrived in Enbarr early that morning, just in time to see the shops open. Immediately, Byleth made her way for the local florist and examined the flowers displayed outside. Just as she was doing so, the door opened and an elderly lady walked out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! Good morning dear!” The lady greeted her with a gentle smile. One that Byleth returned briefly. “Anything I can do for you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a moment, Byleth hesitated. Honestly, ever since her students and friends and their children died one by one, she hadn’t really talked to people apart from Seteth, Flayn, and the whores she slept with and even that was a rare occurrence. But eventually, she found it in herself to talk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you have any red carnations?” She asked the florist. With a wide smile, she nodded, before walking toward one of the stands in her shop. Byleth waited for a few moments before she returned with a bouquet for her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, are you going on a date, my dear?” The florist cheerily asked her as she took Byleth’s payment. On a normal day, she would’ve just nodded and walked away. But with such a disposition, Byleth couldn’t find it within her to be rude.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sort of. Yes.” She answered with a small smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, let me tell you. The man you’re dating is very lucky to have you.” The elderly florist stated with a smile. “After all, you don’t see women buy flowers for their boyfriends everyday.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Actually, I’m the one who’s lucky with her.” Byleth said as she inspected the bouquet in her hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, so you’re dating a lady? Then you best be going, dear. It’s never good to keep a lady waiting.” She said with a cheeky wink. With a nod, Byleth spoke up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will. Thank you. I’m sure she’ll love these.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a small wave, Byleth walked away, intent on getting to the palace in Enbarr immediately. As she was walking leisurely along the path, however, she saw something that soured her mood in an instant.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a wedding in one of Enbarr’s churches. The bride and groom were clearly happy with one another as their friends and family shared in their joy and in that moment, Byleth felt bitter all over again. She took a deep breath to calm herself down and once she sufficiently was, she stalked off to the direction of the palace.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Despite the fact that these grave markers have stood for more than 200 years, it was a surprise that they were still intact, especially Edelgard’s. For a person who was seen as a villain by most people, her grave was surprisingly well-kept. Most thought it would simply be left to rot. To be forgotten by time. Thankfully, there was a historical society in Enbarr who was determined to preserve everything that was connected to the Adrestian Empire. That included the grave markers of the Hresvelg Dynasty. And Byleth, having lived a significant amount of time, had amassed a significant amount of money despite her travels and her vices. Every month no matter what country she was in, she would have a courier deliver a set amount of funds to be anonymously donated to the historical society. And she was glad it was put to good use; not only was the palace updated for public use but the grave markers of her beloved and her father and siblings were perfectly preserved too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Like always, Byleth immediately went to Edelgard’s grave. Luckily, even this area was open to the public. But no one was really keen on paying the Mad Emperor a visit. But that was fine; it would give her the privacy she needed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, El…” She greeted her as she kneeled. Gently, she laid the bouquet of red carnations on the ground.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I brought you your favorite flowers again like I do every year. I hope you aren’t sick of them yet. Because I don’t know what you’d like as a replacement.” Byleth said with a small chuckle before falling silent for a moment. After a while, she spoke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“El, why did you leave me?” She asked, as if the woman she was speaking to could answer her. “D-Did I do something wrong? Was what I did so horrible that you had to leave me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As usual, no one answered her. Byleth took a moment to compose herself as she wiped the tears that were already falling from her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m tired, El. I’m so tired of being here without you. It doesn’t sound very godly of me, I know. But...really, I am. I’ve tried everything to make it better. To make the pain of your loss go away but nothing worked. I just want to be with you again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once again, Byleth had to pause and take a deep breath to calm herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you hate me, El?” Byleth asked, her voice taking on a cold tone. “Because if you do, I want you to tell me. Tell me. Strike me down if you must, just please...tell me if you hate me. I don’t care what you do so long as I can hear your voice again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Finally, unable to stop herself, Byleth fell to the ground before her and began to pound her fist on the ground in front of Edelgard’s gravemarker.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t care what you do so long as you take me with you…” She said in between sobs. After a few moments, she was finally able to pull herself together and she sat up once again, wiping the tears from her eyes as she did so.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have asked you that. It was unfair.” Byleth stated with a mirthless chuckle. “After all, I was the one who left you first, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Afterwards, she stood and put a gentle hand on the cold marble of Edelgard’s tombstone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I...I’ll come back tomorrow. And I’ll tell you all about everything I’ve done and the places I’ve seen since I last visited you, okay?" She gently whispered. "Happy Birthday, El. Good night and sleep well, my beloved. Until I find you again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Slowly, Byleth leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the marble before straightening up again. But before she left, Byleth said the words that she failed to say when Edelgard was still alive.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will always...ALWAYS...love you.”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>A few weeks later, after the 29th of the Garland Moon had passed, Byleth had finally arrived at her cabin by Lake Teutates. Whenever she visited Edelgard, she always made it a point to come back here for a few days of rest before traveling once more. When she entered, she was glad to see that it was still intact and cleaned. Must’ve been Flayn’s doing. She was always eager to keep things in order for her. As she set her things down, she saw a note by the fireplace. Her breath hitched when she saw the painting that it was placed under. Immediately, she opened it and read Seteth’s neat handwriting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Byleth,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Flayn and I have taken the liberty of having a conservator restore your painting of Edelgard. That way, she’ll still be there to welcome you home.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seteth.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Indeed, the painting that hung on top of her fireplace was that of Edelgard’s when she was 17. It had been given to her by her students when she abdicated. A masterpiece by Ignatz. And while it couldn’t completely replicate everything about Edelgard (even Ignatz himself admitted that), she appreciated it all the same. That way, even if she did forget her smile, the sound of her voice, and everything in between, Byleth could comfort herself in the knowledge that at least she’ll never forget her face. As it is a two century old painting, it had been falling apart the last time she was in Fodlan and when they visited, it was clear to Seteth and Flayn that it distressed her. So, she was grateful that they had it restored.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m home, El.” She whispered to the empty house before she walked out. When she did, the sight before her could only be described as breathtaking; the sun was setting and Lake Teutates was reflecting its rays, making it appear as if it was made of molten gold instead of water.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As she stared out into the lake, Byleth closed her eyes as a gentle breeze passed her by and for a moment, she pretended that Edelgard was next to her, laying her head on her shoulder as time passed them by...</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Byleth couldn’t help but tilt her head as if she was laying her head on hers too.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>That night, there was something in the air that made Byleth succumb to her misery. As soon as night fell and she had a proper dinner, she immediately retreated to her room and drank as much ale as she could once again. And if that wasn’t bad enough, she used as much Haunt as she could too. Eventually, she fell asleep on her bed and as usual, the drug brought her into a dream again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In her dream, she was just waking up in a plush bed. Certainly different from the humble one she was using in her cabin. Byleth turned her head to the right and noticed that she was in an extravagant room. When she turned her head to the left, tears immediately sprang to her eyes...</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because next to her sat a woman who was clearly none other than Edelgard von Hresvelg. While Byleth couldn’t clearly see her face because of the bright lights coming from the window, she could spot a glimpse of bone white hair from the woman next to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“El, I missed you.” Byleth said with a teary eyed smile. Gently, Edelgard moved closer and cupped her cheek. Byleth still couldn’t see her face. In fact, as Edelgard gently stroked her cheek, she felt her eyes gradually droop and she felt sleepy all over again. After a few moments, Byleth heard the sheets rustling and she knew Edelgard was about to leave again. Her hand shot out and grasped her wrist.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait...don’t go...please don’t go. Please don’t leave me again.” Byleth pleaded as tears fell from her eyes. “I don’t know if I can handle it if you go again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once more, Edelgard moved closer to her and slowly, she leaned down and pressed her soft lips to Byleth’s forehead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For Byleth, that one kiss conveyed everything Edelgard wanted to tell her; that Byleth was going to be okay. That it was time for her to live for herself and that she needed to stop destroying herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But most importantly, that kiss told her that Edelgard still loved her and that one day, they’ll be together again. And while Byleth knew she can never really let the love of her life go, it brought her some form of relief.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“El...I love you too.” She said with a small smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a gentle pass of Edelgard’s hands across Byleth’s eyelids, she finally fell asleep and returned to the real world once more.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>The next morning, Byleth stood on one of the walkways of the ruins of Lake Teutates, clutching her bag of Haunt close to her. She tied a large rock to the bag and held it out to the water. For a moment, she hesitated but before she could second guess herself, she dropped it and let it fall to the depths of the lake.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a while, she stood there and looked up to the sky as a gentle breeze passed her by. She felt it touch her cheek; almost as if it was a kiss from someone she loved and who loved her in return. Just as quickly as it came, the sensation was gone all too soon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, El. I love you.” Byleth whispered to the wind, knowing that it’ll carry her words to wherever the love of her life may be.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>...</p>
<p>I swear I'll make up for this with some steamy Edeleth smut. I'd write a part two as well but this time dealing with their reincarnated counterparts as shown in "Walk With You" but honestly, that sounds like too much work for me right now. Someday, maybe, I don't know. We'll see.</p>
<p>Anyways, I'm out. Hope y'all enjoyed and please leave your kudos and comments at the door. Bye!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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